My USA Team Handball Tryout

Posted by Adam Hart January 22, 2009 at 5:22 pm

The title of this post reads correctly. The video verifies it. And so do the three days I spent hobbling around NECN.

Where to start? I applied online for the tryout. I received my official invitation on December 22nd. Training began on December 26th. Because I don’t want to lose your attention, I’ll show you the tryout video first. That should hold you over.

There. Now you know I’m no good at Team Handball. Although, since it was my first time playing, maybe I’m not so bad. Either way, I’ll be watching the 2012 Olympics from home, not the merry ole’ land of England. That’s right, no double decker buses for me. I’ll only be seeing Big Ben on NBC. And meeting top athletes like Lolo Jones will never happen. It’s fairly depressing. Well, that last one is, at least.

Before I lock myself in my room and blast Air Supply, here are some specs on the tryout:

Workout Preparations
Prior to December 22nd, I considered myself to be in fairly good shape for a 25-year-old whose job consists of sitting at a computer and posting stories on a website. I’d work out at the gym 3-4 days per week, maybe go for a run if I felt particularly energetic. Things were kicked up a notch upon learning of that I’d be attending the tryout. Said kicking landed me here:

– Gym 6 days per week: 3 day rotation of Chest…bi’s and tri’s…shoulders and back

– 3 days lifting legs at the gym (1 mile warmup on the treadmill, squats, calf raises, knee bending machine thing, cybex gazelle-type machine, eliptical, treadmill cool-down)

– 3 days running on the road (2 miles to track, sprint drills, 2 miles back home)

– 1 day eating ice cream, realizing training/work leaves me no time for play

Tryout Conditioning Tests
The tests preceded the 4-on-4 and 8-on-8 scrimmages, and were in the following categories: Height, Wing Span, Hand Stretch (from thumb tip to pinkie base), Fat %, 30m Dash, Vertical, Envelope, Throw For Distance, 6×50m Dash

My stats:

Height	Wing Span	Hand Stretch	Fat %	30m Dash	Vertical	Envelope	Distance Throw
5′9.75	6′	8.75″	11.6	4.88	24.4	21.44	31.5m

And my splits for the 6×50m dash:

1st leg	2nd leg	3rd leg	4th leg	5th leg	6th leg
8.71	8.60	8.92	9.46	10.14	10.31

Now it’s time for the excuses to start flying:

• I didn’t stand heals on the thin strip of black matting against the wall, robbing me of .25″ in height
• 11.6% fat. Really? Look at me. Someone’s caliper needs a readjustment.
• These drills were run inside a basketball gym. The 30m dash landed me on one end, with the stopwatch guy 30m away saying “Ready…set…go!” and dropping his raised arm to signify that I should begin. It was like the Presidential Fitness test you take in middle school. (When’s the scoliosis test???) Plus, the 6×50m preceded this and had already sapped me of my leg power. I could run this tomorrow on crutches and clock a better time. Pitiful.
• Vertical jump. No complaints there. They had some electronic super calculator mat. Calculators are never wrong.
• Nailed the envelope. Five cones are set up like dots on dice. Run in the outline of a sealed envelope three times. It’s like the drill was made for me.
• One guy threw it 47m. That’s pretty dang far. But I was somewhere around the average.
• The 6×50m was crap. 15 seconds in between each run seemed like enough after the first three legs, but by number six I was in pain. It didn’t help that we were in a gymnasium that featured 70 degree temps and a bunch of other sweaty dudes. Although, word is if the tests were done outside, we would have needed to run 2 miles in under 12 minutes. I don’t think that was happening on the coldest day of the year.

Prognosis
Nope. Will not make the team. Will not make the national team pool. Will not make a regional team. I had hoped to be naturally good at the sport. But, it’s one of those games you need to play to get good at. I guess I’ll stick to my natural calling — being sarcastic and linking to beautiful women. (It’s Marisa Miller. We’re, like, more than friends not even acquaintances.)

Special thanks to Jennifer Thompson, Beth Hart and Russ Hart for shooting portions of the video. Without them, you’d be stuck reading this dry account of the tryout. Booorrrriiiiing.